Soooo it’s been more than a month now since I read You are a Badass by Jen Sincero (my review here), and, as promised, I’m back with an update. I’ve gotten a little distance from the book since my last post, and while I still think about some of the concepts, I dropped most of the “froo froo” stuff (nightly gratitude and self-affirmations, for example) from my routine/mental shelf. Here’s what I’ve kept:
This is Good Because…
Yep. I still love this one: “This failure/shitty situation is good because…” You know what I like about this approach? It trains you to think of everything as a blessing or a teachable moment. It’s a reminder that, while certain situations or circumstances are beyond your control, you are in charge of how you interpret, react to, and build meaning around, those situations/circumstances.
Challenging Self-Limiting Beliefs
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-limiting beliefs, and questioning my own negative thoughts – things like “I’ll never reach my goal weight” or “I’ll never own a house” or “My feelings aren’t as important as other people’s feelings.” Ugh. Typing those (very real) thoughts and feelings chokes me up. I’m on the verge of tears, and I just wrote three sentences. Jesus.
Anyway, I’ve been unpacking and challenging my self-limiting beliefs over the past month when they crop up. Intellectually, I know they are lies, but those feelings. Ugh, those feelings! It’s hard to break that oppressive thought pattern in like, your heart. It is one thing to know that you’ve been holding onto false ideas about yourself, and quite another to stop believing them. Like, I know there is probably no such thing as ghosts, but I still believe in them, if you know what I’m saying, and I’m still at that stage where I’m reassuring myself that the bump in the night is my neighbour in his apartment, and not some dead dude in my bedroom.
My life is suddenly an exercise in proving myself wrong, and I’ve never been so excited to be incorrect. I’m all about doing things to disprove my own bullshit these days. I’m losing weight, I have an RRSP and a house fund, and I’m working on giving fewer fucks about people who give no fucks about me… among other projects.
What Other People Think of Me is None of My Business
Speaking of giving no fucks, I literally just used the “what other people think of me is none of my business” mantra today at work. Part of my job is getting information from people so I can log it in a report. Sometimes, those people don’t get back to me, which means I can’t complete the report, and then the VP asks me why I haven’t done my job, and I have to say “so-and-so didn’t send me their info” (which I HATE doing). And then HE follows up with those people and their bosses to be like, “you need to provide that info to Miranda, like, NOW!”
It gives me anxiety thinking about it, but today, rather than letting the feelings of guilt and shame take over (Do my co-workers think that I’m a sneaky bitch because I told a VP that they didn’t get back to me? Does my boss think that I’m a tool because I can’t get people to respond to my emails? Does everyone hate me? Do I suck at my job? I probably suck at my job. Maybe I should go to the garden to eat worms, yum yum), I sat back, and I thought “what they think of me is none of my business.” I did my job. I sent a nice email (in some cases, several nice emails), and it is not my fault that they chose not to respond. I didn’t run to their boss, or the VP (even though, I’m sure from my boss’ perspective, maybe I should have). I was simply honest when asked about it. I know what happened; I know I wasn’t being a dick, and that’s all that matters. The VP following up is good because my job is getting done, people may respond quicker in the future, and I’m learning to grow a thicker skin. Plus, those people probably aren’t thinking about me at all. There’s no such thing as ghosts, and my heavy-footed neighbour must be going downstairs to fix himself a nice midnight snack.
There ya go. Aren’t y’all glad that you got this way-too-personal tour through the inner workings of my mind? Tell me I’m not the only one with these messed up insecurities! Also, tell me what you found useful in Jen Sincero’s book. OR tell me what I should read next! Down in the comments. Right down there. Go ahead!
Heads up: my next book review will be either Unfu*k Yourself, or The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, or a combination of the two. Clearly, I’ve been making my way through the potty mouth section of the Self-Help genre. Thanks for the suggestions, Amazon. It has been fucking fantastic.