My Children are Basically Adorable Vampires

I’m back! Bigger and sadder than ever. Blogging (for free again! Bye bye ipeewhenisneeze.com!) in an attempt to jar myself out of this Mom Funk I’ve been in for the past… forever. To be honest, I never really fully emerge from The Funk. I’m basically one gin bath away from becoming Mrs. Hannigan. I figure it’s time to do something about this depression before I’m legit tempted to sell my kids to a greasy dude named Rooster.

Before I turn this post around and become Ms. Mom of the Year, can I just say that my children are like little, tiny vampires who feed on my patience and sanity? They just suck and they suck and they suck. They also hate garlic and become more vicious at night. Unlike vampires, though, they don’t care if they’ve been invited inside before they destroy my home, and they morph into tornadoes of toys, sippy cups and food crumbs instead of dissolving into a fine, easy-to-clean mist.. Now that I think about it, they’re worse than vampires.

Okay. Enough complaining. Let’s talk about the things I love about my children. Like they’re really stinkin’ cute. They’re pretty much the cutest kids on earth (I’m biased here considering I made them inside my body and all, but I stand by my statement). They’re also hilarious; no one appreciates a good poop joke more than those munchkins, and that’s saying a lot coming from me. Plus, sometimes they share their snacks with me, and they always offer a unique perspective (for example, did you know that Catholic school teaches you all about Jesus, his wife, and “how they got their magic”?).

Yeah, I guess being a mom’s not so bad.


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