Oh gawd, guys, I’m a whiner. Like, a big, fat, negative complainer. You could give me a million dollars, free and clear, no strings attached, and I’d complain about having to find ways to spend it. You could tell me I’ll have perfect health for the rest of my life, and I’d complain that my sick days were going to waste. You could tell me I’d won the Nobel Prize, and I’d complain that I peaked. You get the point. It’s a sickness.
I’m working on it, though. I’m trying really hard to adjust my attitude (first and foremost), and also to fix the things in my life that aren’t working for me so I don’t have a reason to bitch about them anymore.
The thing I complain about the most is being a mom, which is heartbreaking considering it is in direct opposition to how much I love my children. My kids are literally the most wonderful thing in my life, and they don’t deserve my negativity. I’m pecking away at my shitty attitude, and the shitty habits that make my life – and their lives – harder.
One of the many complaints I have about being a parent is the fact that I have no time to myself; and when I DO have time, I don’t have the energy to do anything with it. I am always thinking “I’ll tackle that after the kids go to bed” but once 8pm hits, I think “eff that. I’ll do it tomorrow; I’m going to bed.” Then tomorrow comes, and I’m woken by little hands shaking me and whining about breakfast, or a little voice crying for me from her crib, and I think “I can’t do anything because these kids are literally hounding me from morning til night.”
SO, I’ve started getting up earlier than the kids, somewhere in the neighbourhood of two hours earlier, to be exact. That gives me enough time to lay in bed with my iPad and get caught up with all of the online happenings, maybe do some yoga or sit and revel in the silence, go for a walk, do some chores, make some breakfast, work on a project, have a shower, etc. … All by myself. It’s pure bliss. And then, when the kids get up, they’re not crying in their crib or shoving me out of bed. I’m not desperately trying to push them off for 5 more minutes of peace. I’m happy to see them and they’re happy to see me. It’s like a miracle.
I’ve been doing it for about a week now, and in that week, I slept in two days in a row thinking “if I don’t sleep now, I’ll be soooo tired later.” And you know what? Both of those days I slept in, I felt MORE tired and drained, and I’d wished I’d gotten up earlier. It’s true that I’m ridiculously exhausted at night now, but it doesn’t bother me as much because I had a chance to do some things by myself at the beginning of the day. It makes me happier, and it makes my kids happier, and if that means I have to wake up at 5am, so be it.